I’m Writing a Book…Again!

Lessons I learned from Previous Me

Remember my last Substack when I told y’all I got some good news and I’d tell y’all more soon? IT IS NOW SOON. I am so excited to share that my next book will be published under Phoebe Robinson’s imprint Tiny Reparations. I love Phoebe’s work as a comedic writer and performer and I’m excited to develop my next book with the stellar Tiny Reparations team. 

It’s been several years since my last book was published and my next book will be my first book outside of Christian publishing. Some of you are reading that and are like huh? There’s a such thing as Christian publishing? Yes, yes there is. LOL 

My last book was a very vulnerable one, so vulnerable that it took me years to even feel like I could broach the topic of a new book. My time in Christian publishing involved a lot of deep digging into my personal life, into some of the more difficult things I’d experienced so that God’s redemptive story arc could be shown. Some of you are reading that like huh? That doesn’t sound healthy? Right. It wasn’t. 

Shortly after my last book release, I found myself in a crisis of life. My book tour disintegrated. Some things in my career and personal life were falling apart and I was desperate to pick up and rebuild the disparate pieces. This grew into grief and depression. Milly from Scandal depression, when she was walking around the White House wearing a robe and eating chips for breakfast. I was so depressed, I struggled to get out of bed or leave the house. A few months after my last book came out I was asked by CreativeMornings ATL (of which I am now the Chapter Host!) to speak on the topic of anxiety in early 2018.

I hoped that this speaking engagement would give me motivation to get out of bed and make it out of the house. I decided not to put on some persona onstage. If the talk was about anxiety, I could and would speak to that out of the anxious place I found myself living in. I focused my talk on Creative Anxiety the feelings that come with releasing creative work, the feelings that come with starting a new creative project. 

Last week for an episode of the CreativeMornings ATL podcast, Wake Up & Create, I sat with two friends and podcast co-hosts and listened to a clip of my previous talk. I could hear my voice was a little shaky. I could viscerally remember how tender I felt sharing my story and the vulnerable place I’d found myself in. What a full circle moment! To be recording this podcast, reflecting on a talk I shared shortly after my last book release had gone not so well, on the same day that my new book deal was announced to the public.

When I wrote my last book, I started to get the feeling that it might be my last book in Christian publishing. I wanted to write about things that may not fit neatly between a quote from the Bible and discussion questions for church small groups. I wanted to write about things that might not have a tidy, sermon-like ending. I wanted to write things that made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. I wanted to write things that didn’t need to be interpreted for life application. Things that the reader could absorb, interpret, through their own filter and life experience. 

When I realized this, I worried. Who will publish me? What will I say? Do I have anything to say? Some folks in Christian market discouraged me from going “out there,” to be mindful of if I could make it in “the world.” I started to believe, maybe having a career in mainstream spaces wasn’t possible.

When the idea for this book started to percolate a couple of years ago, I told my literary agent, Margaret, some of the early ideas plus my nerves and insecurity. Margaret knows my life and she knows that the last few years haven’t been the easiest. She said “you know what I want for you? I want this book to be fun. We’re storytellers. That’s what we do for a living. Why shouldn’t we have fun while we tell stories?” So I sat down and I wrote and I laughed and I covered my mouth and I thought, will I be able to let my grandma read this? and I laughed some more. These ideas became the fodder for my next book which shares a title with one of my poems, Never Tell a Black Girl How to Black Girl.

Previous Amena spoke some encouragement to me through my CreativeMornings talk. The me standing on stage at that talk couldn’t have imagined these things were possible for me. Couldn’t have imagined that I could have a career outside of the religious market where my career started. 

Now, I’m gathering the things I need: candles from Marshall’s, dark chocolate to munch on while I write, various colors of my favorite pen, ink for my old ink jet printer, pints of Jeni’s ice cream (thanks to a gift card from a dear friend), lists of decluttering projects I could do to avoid writing, working out some kind of deal where I can have my therapist on speed dial.

It’s not easy to begin again, but I hope it can be a journey of learning my voice again. Of finding my joy. And when it’s time I can’t wait to share what I’ve been working on with you. 

What are some things you NEED to be creative? Writers, what are your favorite ways to avoid writing?! 

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I’m listening to…Corinne Bailey Rae’s album Black Rainbows

I’m watching…REAL HOUSEWIVES OF POTOMAC! OMG! MIA! GORDON! MR. INC.! WOW I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE REUNION!!!

I’m reading…Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey

Feeling inspired by…spring flowers